Ever felt like you don’t belong or fit in. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I was really tired today, or maybe I just didn’t feel like drawing. But today it felt like a was a freshman again, trying to decide if art was the right major for me. It seems to me that I don’t fit in with my drawing class. Granted, this was the first assignment, but I felt awkward.  I thought my drawing was pretty good, it was of starfruit after all, but it felt that my professor wasn’t impressed or that my technique was up to par. This just adds on to my uncertainity of my future.

Since the first day of class of the new semester, I’ve been feeling pretty unsure of myself. My dream is to work as a computer animator. But animation’s first assignment was lighting, and I was having such a hard time trying to get mine right. I even spent over 7 hours of outside class time to work on it.  Now, I know that lighting isn’t my forte.

Also, even though I want to be an animator, I don’t think I could ever live so far away from everyone; my family, friends. To move to California or Florida, or even the possibility of moving there scares me. But I do have to admit, I am excited to see if I can go to CA this summer for the computer graphics convention.

To add on to my confusion, I need, NEED to graduate on time, but it seems that the administration here is just trying to cause me problems.  First, transforming my classes to 4 credits so that I take less classes.  And, oh, the art department completely f***‘n me over for one stupid class that I need to take, which is a requirement, but I couldn’t take because I was (and still am) only a junior. What bullsh*t.

But it’s stuff like this, the projects that I have a hard time on, the feeling that I don’t fit in, or worrying about the future, that are causing me to put myself in question. So, to sum it up, besides being really angry now, I think I’m bipolar. Just yesterday, I seemed ok, but now, after this drawing class and realizing everything, and the lack of time that I have to complete it all, I seem… depressed. I know, never thought that word would be in a sentence referring to myself.

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